Wear it until you love it

A movie was made back in the late '90s starring Leonardo DiCaprio called "The Man in the Iron Mask." If you remember this film at all, the basic story line is that a long ago king of England had twin sons. One was raised as a prince (Lois), the other (Phillip) was hid away, not knowing his true identity. Once Lois becomes king, he had his twin brother thrown in prison, his face covered with an iron mask. The Musketeers come along and break the forgotten prince out of prison and have this grand plan to replace the evil Lois with good and humble Phillip. Getting to the point of why I am beginning this post with this story... when Lois finds out Phillip is trying to replace him, there is an epic showdown between them. Phillip begs for Lois to do anything to him but please do not make him wear the mask. Lois' words are so powerful as he hisses with disdain: "back into the mask you will go and into the world you hate. You will wear it until you love it!!!"

I have often compared that scene to trials in my life. I have struggled hard with understanding God's love for me. I find myself thinking many times that God is like Lois, making me do something I hate and then keeping me there until I love it! Logically, I know this is completely unbiblical. God is not some giant thumb in the sky waiting to squish me. But it sure does FEEL that way sometimes!

Numerous times through the years, my pastor has referred me to the main points from Quieting a Noisy Soul by Jim Berg. My God loves me. He always has my best interest in mind. God is always up to something good in my life. Really?? Even when my marriage fell apart, my health is failing, I am loosing my house, battling a rebellious step-son, or I am completely exhausted from trying to balance working and being a mom?? YES!!

Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." It took me many months for me to really "get" this verse. How could God say he has plans not to harm me when I have had nothing but physical and emotional harm the last five years?? How could I have a hope when I could not even dress myself?? Two stories came across my path last fall that, as I meditated on them, cause the light to slowly dawn for me.

Corrie Ten Boom, a famous survivor of the Holocaust, told the story of how her older sister said they needed to be thankful for everything... even the fleas that infested their prison space. Corrie could not even begin to imagine how to be thankful for the horrible bugs that bit them and caused such pain to them. But then she realized that it was because of the horrible fleas that the guards did not enter the area, thus allowing the women to read their Bibles and pray as much as they wanted!

A woman was speaking on the radio show Mid Day Connection... she told about how she and her husband had been having severe financial difficulties and had lost their business and home. They ended up moving into a family member's abandoned mechanic shop that also had an apartment in the back. It was in horrible disrepair and had many critters living in it! But she came to love that place so much because it is where she learned to rely on God as her only sustainer. She said words that burned into my brain... "I came to never want to leave that disgusting old kitchen, because it was in that kitchen where Christ became so special to me. He was all I had."

As I have thought on these two stories through the last many months, I get it now! Yes, hard times happen. But it is through these hard times, that God shapes my attitude. These last five years have some HARD times!! But I never want to forget them or the closeness that it has created with my Lord and my family. "Wear it until you love it" has taken on a whole new meaning for me. It's not to say that I don't want things to get better, but I appreciate these hard times because I have grown so much through them!!!

His mercies are new every morning

You can't go to church for very long without learning the hymn "Great is Thy Faithfulness." It is practically a staple of the Christian faith!! This great song comes directly from the Scripture in Lamentations 3. I went through deep emotional pain with my divorce. But it was the helplessness of physical suffering that brought me to my lowest points. I hated that I could not dress myself without help. Paul had to cut my food long after my surgeries. I missed playing the piano so badly! I still struggle to open a water bottle.

I will never forget the night when the full weight of Lam. 3:23 hit me. I had been busy with all the functions of being a busy mom all day, and then went right into work for my usual 12 hour night shift...of course not having rested at all. My hand began throbbing badly, and I found myself in the soiled utility room running my hand under hot water to relieve the pain. As I stood sobbing (yes, with dirty laundry and trash all around me,) allowing the hot water to ease my physical pain, I cried out silently to the Lord, "I can't go on any more, and yet I still have 10 hours left of my shift!" Almost instantly, a voice inside my head said, "his mercies are new every morning, great is thy faithfulness." If God can give new mercy each morning, surly He can carry me through my all-nighter! As I went back out to continue my work, I was comforted by this. I can not even tell you how many times I recited that verse through that night and many nights after!!

In the days that followed, I looked the verse up and found that a huge chunk of Lam. 3 is so special! It has quickly become a go-to passage for me when needing comfort. If you look in my Bible, you will find that verses 18-42 are all underlined and then also verses 55-60!!!

"...and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "the Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him." (Lam. 3:20-25, NIV)

The phrase "yet I call this to mind" hit me so hard! This must be a deliberate act! I have to choose to remember that God's grace sustains me. Oh, and then there's that word "wait" again! I really don't like to wait for my trials to go away!! I want it to be gone now. But, "the Lord IS good to those whose HOPE..." This verse is in the active, present tense. God IS good. I must put my TRUST in HIM and thus I have HOPE!!!!

I can't tell you all is roses now in my life. But I have a hope and a peace... because His mercy is new each morning!!!

Patience

Psalm 40:1 "I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry."

I used to think I was a very patient person. I am great with small children, and love working with the infirmed, elderly, or handicapped. It takes a lot to get me really angry. Very few people have ever seen me yell. Over the last year, I have learned just how short my patience actually is. I hate waiting!! I hate feeling helpless, and I want it gone NOW!! i struggle with some chronic illness and injury. I want to be healthy. But God has asked me deal with long-term health issues. I have a heart's desire to be at home with my children and not work outside the home. This is a Biblical and good desire... but I want it NOW!! For reasons still not completely clear to me, God has chosen to ask me to wait for these things. I have complete peace that He will grant my desire to be home. But God is asking me to wait.

My Pastor once spoke on the verse above. He stated that in the original text, the word "waited" literally means "in waiting, I waited." Being the forever-thinking-like-a-mom that I am, I relate this to my pregnancy days. The last month was pure torture all four times!!! My body never wanted to give up the babies, and I would contract for days and even weeks sometimes. Just when I would think surely this is the real thing, all would stop. "In waiting, I waited." And waited some more!!! But delivery would always come, and I had a sweet baby in my arms.

"... He turned to me and heard my cry." This is a promise; again, an absolute!! God DOES hear us!!!!! He may ask us to develop patience, but Jesus cares!!

I love the old song "Does Jesus Care"
"Does Jesus care? Oh, yes, he cares! His heart is touched with my grief. When the days are weary and long night dreary, I know my Savior cares!"