Wear it until you love it

A movie was made back in the late '90s starring Leonardo DiCaprio called "The Man in the Iron Mask." If you remember this film at all, the basic story line is that a long ago king of England had twin sons. One was raised as a prince (Lois), the other (Phillip) was hid away, not knowing his true identity. Once Lois becomes king, he had his twin brother thrown in prison, his face covered with an iron mask. The Musketeers come along and break the forgotten prince out of prison and have this grand plan to replace the evil Lois with good and humble Phillip. Getting to the point of why I am beginning this post with this story... when Lois finds out Phillip is trying to replace him, there is an epic showdown between them. Phillip begs for Lois to do anything to him but please do not make him wear the mask. Lois' words are so powerful as he hisses with disdain: "back into the mask you will go and into the world you hate. You will wear it until you love it!!!"

I have often compared that scene to trials in my life. I have struggled hard with understanding God's love for me. I find myself thinking many times that God is like Lois, making me do something I hate and then keeping me there until I love it! Logically, I know this is completely unbiblical. God is not some giant thumb in the sky waiting to squish me. But it sure does FEEL that way sometimes!

Numerous times through the years, my pastor has referred me to the main points from Quieting a Noisy Soul by Jim Berg. My God loves me. He always has my best interest in mind. God is always up to something good in my life. Really?? Even when my marriage fell apart, my health is failing, I am loosing my house, battling a rebellious step-son, or I am completely exhausted from trying to balance working and being a mom?? YES!!

Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." It took me many months for me to really "get" this verse. How could God say he has plans not to harm me when I have had nothing but physical and emotional harm the last five years?? How could I have a hope when I could not even dress myself?? Two stories came across my path last fall that, as I meditated on them, cause the light to slowly dawn for me.

Corrie Ten Boom, a famous survivor of the Holocaust, told the story of how her older sister said they needed to be thankful for everything... even the fleas that infested their prison space. Corrie could not even begin to imagine how to be thankful for the horrible bugs that bit them and caused such pain to them. But then she realized that it was because of the horrible fleas that the guards did not enter the area, thus allowing the women to read their Bibles and pray as much as they wanted!

A woman was speaking on the radio show Mid Day Connection... she told about how she and her husband had been having severe financial difficulties and had lost their business and home. They ended up moving into a family member's abandoned mechanic shop that also had an apartment in the back. It was in horrible disrepair and had many critters living in it! But she came to love that place so much because it is where she learned to rely on God as her only sustainer. She said words that burned into my brain... "I came to never want to leave that disgusting old kitchen, because it was in that kitchen where Christ became so special to me. He was all I had."

As I have thought on these two stories through the last many months, I get it now! Yes, hard times happen. But it is through these hard times, that God shapes my attitude. These last five years have some HARD times!! But I never want to forget them or the closeness that it has created with my Lord and my family. "Wear it until you love it" has taken on a whole new meaning for me. It's not to say that I don't want things to get better, but I appreciate these hard times because I have grown so much through them!!!