Yesterday began a new year. A friend posted a simple facebook status: "Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow." This is one line from the great hymn "Great is Thy faithfulness." I have sung that song probably thousands of times, but seeing just that one line made it just jump out at me!! I hesitate to write this blog post here, because I wanted this blog to be purely an encouragement site. I do not wish to "air my dirty laundry," but if you will allow me to be very transparent and personal, I do hope that my story will encourage someone along the way!
Barely 24 hours ago, I sat on my bed, sobbing. Most of you probably know that my husband lost his job about four months ago. He had a temp job for the Christmas season, but that ended last week. I also had hand surgery about a month ago. Two days after my surgery I found out my ex-husband also lost his job, therefore ending my child support income indefinitely. Had I found this out before my surgery, I would have cancelled it, asked the dr. for more pain meds, and just worked through the torn tendons! But it did not happen that way. My husband came to me last night with the news that we only had enough money to last us through the middle of Jan. There would be nothing left to cover any expenses for the end of the month or beyond. I sat sobbing in pure helpless hopelessness. I am pretty much a one armed cripple right now. I can not even button my clothes without help!! There is nothing that I can do to change our situation. He can, and has, put out countless job resumes, but as of yet, nothing has come of them. I have so many times thought of the story of Job. He served the Lord with all his heart, and yet God allowed ALL to be taken away from him. Except his life. Last night, I wondered what more can God take away from us?? God promises to always meet our genuine needs. I guess we do not NEED cars, cell phones, internet, or tv to survive. I resigned that these things might be going away soon. As Paul and I prayed together and pleaded with God to meet the needs of our family, I just felt so hopeless. I know I shouldn't think like this, that I should be way beyond these thoughts, but I just couldn't help the thoughts of "the Bible says 'You have not because you ask not'...we've been asking for months now...why isn't God answering?? Oh, how I know I am really showing my humanness!! I am ashamed at my pure lack of faith!!
We got up this morning and hit the ground with a list of things to do to maybe relieve the financial stress. We hit road block after road block! The hopelessness got almost unbearable. We collapsed into the recliner in our room and did the only thing we could... cling to each other and pray. And then the breakthrough came! Within a few hours, manna from heaven started to fall. Our hugest expense, heat fuel, was covered for two months by an assistance program we applied for back in Oct. Paul also connected finally with a restaurant he has been playing tag with for weeks now. He starts tomorrow. It is only part time, he is way over-qualified for the job, and the pay is less than half of what he used to make, but it is something. It will slow up the hemorrhage of our bank account. Barely an hour later, I received an email from a friend offering a gift. We have had several of these over the months, and I am always at a loss for words. I know it is a sacrifice for these people! I pray that someday we will be able to help others the way so many have helped us! Another huge point of stress over the last few weeks has been the funeral expense of my dad's death. Without baring all the ridiculous details, it has become clear to us that we will have to share in the huge burden of the funeral expense. Some things happened today, that gives us huge hope that maybe the life insurance policy will be valid after all! No, it is not fully resolved, but today we have hope when yesterday there seemed to be none!
I give all these very personal and human details about my day to bring things back to the title of this post.... "strength for today and a bright hope for tomorrow." I got up today feeling so hopeless. I know it is not about how I feel. I know I need to trust in God. I know that He has never failed me before; He has seen my family through some very dark times!! But sometimes, in the midst of the deep darkness and grief, it just seems so hopeless!!! It seems there is no end to this dark tunnel. Thank You, God, for giving me hope today! For looking beyond my lack of faith and blessing my family anyway! I came upon Ex. 3:7-8 in my reading tonight: "Then the Lord said, 'I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters. I know their sufferings and I have come down to deliver them..."
Oh, how thankful I am that "His mercies are new every morning." I need that!
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